Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Debbie Downer is Lurking Near! UGGGGH

I usually post about the good things in my life, which there are tons of and I am so grateful but lately I have had this negative bug in me that is truly getting the best of me... It is like no matter what I do I am focusing on the negative! Whether it be that I do not feel well, or the house is messy, or Vincent is not happy, I have been focusing on the downside versus the good things that are ALL around me! I need to get out of this slump I am in! I talked to Jordan a lot about it tonight and he fully gets it and is so great with talking me through it but when he is gone for work I just feel like I am alone and consumed by these things!

All I can think of lately is:
When will the next showing be, so I know when does the house needs to be perfect?
When will the house sell?
When will we find our next house?
When will Luke arrive?
When will I stop waking up every hour to pee!!!! (I know the answer to this one!)
Will labor be as easy as it was with Vincent?
Will there be complications?
Will Luke be healthy?
Will I be able to handle 2 babies when Jordan has to travel?
Will I have the sanity for two babies?
What will I do on nights like tonight when Vincent was so tired he was a complete and utter terror right before bed, how will I be able to wrangle him into his crib if I have Luke in my hands?
Why are there horrible drivers on the road?
How does the kitchen get so messy, I swear I just cleaned it!
Why does my dog not listen to me!!?


Pretty much anything negative that can run through my head does!

AHHHH....

I just feel like these are the only things fluttering through my mind and it is eating me up!

What I should be thinking and NEED to be thinking is:
The house will sell!
We will find the perfect house for us!
We are moving because Jordan has an amazing job!
We are in a much better position all around for Lukes arrival
Labor was not that bad and chances are it will be easier
If I have complications, I WILL be fine!
Luke will arrive when he is ready to come out! :)
Luke will be perfectly healthy just like Vincent was!
I CAN and WILL be able to handle both babies 
I will learn how to handle both kids in time!
Accept things for what they are, and brush it off!
HE IS A DOG, not a rocket scientist! 

IT WILL ALL WORK OUT... It always has! 

Vincent is actually a piece of cake of a toddler! He minds his own business and keeps to himself so it is kind of funny that I am even stressing about him! Its just my negative outlook looking for something to target and blow out of proportion! 

One of the best things is I do not have to question my marriage, I know it is STRONG as a rock...if I can become as confident in the rest of my life, I know I will be fine 

My goal from here on out is to actually PRAY about my issues I have been having! And I told Jordan even though prayer sounds easy it really is not... it's not like I can just ask God once to take care of my problems, it will be a LONG process with Him and I to deal with these problems and find solutions!

Jordan reminded me tonight that "Nothing worth having comes easy", it was a line in Scrubs! I love that show! But anyway...I just need to work at it... because I am the type of person to just brush it off or just watch tv to take my mind off of it, but it is now time to step up and confront these issues inside myself. Once I do I know that I will be a much better person!


It is actually ironic because Kasey from A Little Cup of Comfort actually posted a post about this on her blog and it seriously hit home to me! She also attached this poem which is PERFECT for me and this whole situation!




An Old Cherokee Teaches His Grandson About Life.

 "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. 
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.  This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather which wolf would win.

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Thank you so much Kasey not only for the post but the poem!

Sorry for the rant but that is why I made this blog...to get things off my chest! Usually it is cheery but today it is more real for me! I think it is just all hitting me these last few weeks before Luke... I think it is just that our living situation is in limbo and I am just so anxious to see what it is all going to be like! I just want to be at the end point with Luke in our arms and all the house drama over with! I just want to be in our new place cuddled up with my boys! But its easier said than done... If only I could click my fingers like a genie! 

Thanks for reading my rant! :) xoxo

Something CHEERY for you all who read my "downer" of a post is another "Mommy Following" act that Vincent does...

He seriously MOCKS me all the time!! The other day he was in a bathroom drawer and pulled out a make up brush and lid to powder (I mix two colors of powder on a lid typically) Well he took the brush and spun it in the lid and brushed it on his face....I ALMOST DIED IN LAUGHTER! Mostly because he does not see me do make up all that often since I rarely get ready anymore! But it was HILARIOUS!!

We had to go downstairs and show Daddy!




Seriously how can I not be happy and excited when this is what I have in front of me every day! I have a son who literally cracks me up and makes me want to pee my pants (which is very easy at this point)! These are the moments that need to be the center of my day and focus!


Later this week I will post the "HEADBAND" craze he is going through! My oh my!! :) 


xoxoxoxoxo




2 comments:

  1. Your little one is adorable! The things that they pick up on and try to copy are so funny! Abby tries to help me clean and do laundry... so cute! You have so much going on and when your hormones are all crazy it's hard to stay positive. I was so overwhelmed right before I had Abby... the unknown is scary but some how it always turns out perfectly. I hope letting it all out made you feel a little better!

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  2. Awesome poem! Sorry your feeling so many ups and downs lately. Your son is a cutie! Reminds me of my sons when they were little,Bryan sat in a little pot once..or quite a lot!,Mark squeezed a stick of butter between his fingers, ahh, glad they are all 18 and up! Enjoy the little guy as they really do grow up fast.

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