Tuesday, November 29, 2011

My Take Tuesday...Unwanted Advice

The minute you become pregnant,
There are a few things that are ahead…the obvious weight gain and growing belly…
And the UNWANTED ADVICE GIVERS…
 The floodgates open the minute you announce your pregnancy and they come at high speed….

“When I was pregnant, I only gained X amount of pounds are you sure you are on target?”
“I would never deliver my baby without the drugs, you will definitely want to get the drugs!”
“Are you sure you aren’t carrying twins?”
“Do you think you should eat that?”
“You will need this, this and this…mainly because my child loved It!”

And good Lord once the baby arrives…

“You should be feeding him every few hours”
"He probably needs a pacifier...try the pacifier"
“Make sure you sleep when the baby sleeps”
“You should not start solids until exactly”
“You need to start with veggies first instead of fruit”
“You should make sure he has his coat on at all times”
“You need to do this….You need to do that”

I MEAN IT IS NEVER ENDING…
I wish I could say it stopped once your child turns one
Even outside of the baby stage it keeps coming!

“My child did not do that until this age”
“2 is much harder than 1…Get ready for chaos!”
“Are you sure he should be doing that?”
"He should really have his shoes on" 

My favorite advice is when it comes from people without KIDS…
Like really…you know this…HOW!?!?

I wish my kids had this shirt…
can I get this in a 2t, 18mos and newborn please!
My Mom Doesn't Want Your Advice

Sometimes it takes all the energy I have to not backhand people or blow up completely…
BUT then I would get advice on how to handle my emotions haha
It’s a lose-lose situation!
Thankfully after Vincent the advice slowed down to a more calm pattern.
I wonder if it is because people saw that he was healthy, thriving and perfectly fine!?
Once Luke arrived we still got advice but not near as much…THANK GOD.
And with Jude I am expecting slim to none…
I am a person who likes to do things on my own and if I want advice I will gladly ask.
But getting it unwanted drives me bonkers!

What I have learned is that EVERY SINGLE CHILD IS DIFFERENT…
And EVERY parent is different…
What worked for Vincent or Luke may or may not work for your child.
What you think is the right way to do things may not be the way I do things…
AND ALL OF THAT IS OKAY
Therefore my advice stays within my own mind unless you ask!:)

I mean seriously we ALL know that we have advice we would love to give...
Like today when I took my glucose test (vomit) and a lady walked in for hers drinking a frappe...
I wanted to say...
"HEY idiot YOU, you might as well not take the test because you WILL FAIL from drinking that!"
but that little tidbit of advice stayed tucked in my head...
Okay..I shared it with Jordan, but still...it stayed away from the pregnant lady! haha

I know most times the advice giver is not trying to be rude….
I say most times because let’s face it, I think sometimes people want to be RUDE…
and try to have the upper hand on us mommas...
But I hope think our friends, parents and relatives just want to help…and they mean well.

But in all seriousness
Whatever happened to a nice….”WOW you look great!”
“I am so excited for you guys!”
“Pregnancy or Motherhood is really looking good on you!”
Or just asking how things are going and listening to what the mother is going through…
THEN maybe if she asks for advice,  it would be appropriate to give it to her.
Just be there for your friends/family, let them know your there if they need you!

In the end, the most important thing you can do, is trust your gut.
You know what is right for YOUR child!
Be educated on your choices so when someone attacks them you can be confident
and snap right back haha!
I love to let people know that I am knowledgeable about things regarding the boys
Stand your ground also when you feel like the advice is getting to be too much.
Some people can just blow it off and ignore it (Jordan)
But it eats at me so I have to let people know to back off at times.
Because I take any rudeness as a dig at my ability to parent...
and that does not fly with me...
I am typically very calm and quiet but mess with my kids or my family...
it's on!:)

Some advice is worth listening to, other isn't.
Just weed through it, and don't be afraid to ask questions when YOU chose to take advice
I found a few easy responses to give for unwanted advice that should hopefully help…
“Really? I am glad that worked for you!”
Or a simple...
“I will consider that!”
I know your eyes will be rolling during both responses

I know those are both easier said than done…
If all else fails, get together with your girlfriends, have a glass bottle of wine and bitch about all the wonderful advice you have been handed and laugh at all the craziness!


What is the WORST advice you have been given? Or has been shoved in your face!?
Now that you are a mom are you more hesitant to give advice like I am? 
OR How do you calmly deal with it or let it slide?

Piece of Advice...make sure you enter the Wild Juniper Giveaway!
I think that is advice you will appreciate...
if not feel free to call me out on it!:)

Happy Tuesday! 
xoxo

12 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh I love this!! There is nothing more annoying than unwanted advice. I am so that type of person who likes to do things on my own and rarely asks for help. So having people left and right tell you how to parent YOUR child is the wooorrrst!

    One thing that always peeved me was when random people would say "Why doesn't she have shoes on?" haha. We ALWAYS put shoes on her in the winter but during the summer months when she was a baby I usually only put socks on or nothing at all. I had this one woman look right at me and go "No shoes huh?" and I smiled politely and said "NOPE!" haha.

    I think every mom can relate to this post! Love it.

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  2. Someone (very closely related relative) said we should put P to sleep on her belly- b/c her kids are fine and it was OK 25-30 yrs ago. I politely said, no that wasn't what we were going to do. It turned into family WW3 b/c I didn't value the advice.

    WOW. The list of others goes on and on. But this was the big one. And I was floored because it was OBVIOUS they didn't value my stance as the mom.

    Oh well. Almost 1 year in with my first I'm better at flat out ignoring people. But I am easily heated if I feel like my mothering is questioned at all.

    The other funny thing...the other day I scolded by longtime BFF. Who is childless and unmarried (not that i matters) She was judging another mom and what they were feeding their kid at dinner. I had to tell her, although I agreed that the Doritos that the mom was giving her 1yr old at dinner would never be my choice and I didn't agree either. She couldn't judge. And she should learn it now. She had no idea if that kid was close to melting down at the holiday meal and she was doing everything in her power to keep the meal peaceful for the others or any other background around the day...that could have been there 3rd holiday stop. And the child was well past sitting thru another meal. Etc.

    She was surprised. She thought I would jump on the bad mom bandwagon. I just told her "you just don't know what else is going on. Be careful, because as soon as you say never...." Never say never with kids!

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  3. What it all comes down to is that each mother finds a way that works best for her own child.

    I have a 2 year old who still drinks from bottles. My 1 year old has been off of them for months. You wouldn't believe the amount of unwanted advice I get. People say things to me like "have you tried letting him pick his own sippy cup out? I bet if you did he'd say bye bye to the bottle." And I'm thinking, *really? You honestly think I haven't tried everything by the time he's 2 and a half to get him off that bottle?* But what takes the cake is when a person suddenly knows my child better than I do. "You know, if you just refuse to give him the bottle he will eventually drink out of his sippy cup. He won't go thirsty." And I'm thinking, *oh he won't will he? You know him SO well do you? So how come when I took it away the first time he went 8 hours without drinking anything? Oh right because he in fact IS the king of stubborn bottle addicted toddlers who will let himself go thirsty before he drinks from a sippy cup.*

    I think I'd like to place an order for two of those cute little shirts myself.

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  4. I've been pretty lucky in the advice dept. Meaning very few people have forced it upon me. I was the 2nd of my friends to have a baby....and most of my family lives far away...I was able to escape it!

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  5. HAHAHA. I know what you mean! rylee actually has that shirt! they have it at target in brown!

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  6. Ha! I (and I'm sure other moms) can totally relate! I can't stand unwanted advice and when you get an overload of it, it takes the fun out of motherhood.

    the most annoying advice I get is "you need to get a grip on them, they have you wrapped around their fingers"...meaning I don't discipline my boys because they're loud and wild. For crying out loud, they are 2 & 3, they are boys, they are active, and we're at home. My radicals are good (for the most part but hey, kids are kids right!)in public but when we're home I let them loose. My response ever so sarcasticly: "hold on, let me get the duct tape"

    Or, my youngest radical is allergic to all dairy. The smallest amount will bring out the hives and scratching (poor guy). I'm told on more than one occasion "you should just keep giving him the stuff he's allergic to and he'll eventually grow out of it." What?! Why would I put my 2yr old through that torture? I find myself replying with "do you hear the words coming out of your mouth?"

    this is a good post! sorry for the long comment but this topic just gets me going!

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  7. All I can say is, "AMEN" sista.
    I cannot even stress it enough that no one is an expert just because they are a parent & it doesn't mean you can tell everyone your advise. I wish this was on the front page of the momma magazines:)

    As always love your posts!

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  8. I'm not a mama, but unsolicited advice in any form makes me want to backhand people. What can I say, I'm a little violent?

    On a positive note, I think Jude is such a cute name. It sounds so cute with his brothers' names too.

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  9. I expect you to give me as much advice as possible when I start popping kiddos out!!

    Love your new background!!

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  10. Worst advice came from my mother in law. We'd been trying several months to get pregnant, and got pregnant. She was thrilled because she'd been begging us to start trying for a girl since my son was 9 months old. Fast forward 9 weeks, we find out it's twins. We tell her it's twins and she turns to me and says "You should have been using a condom!"

    Well dear mother in law, when TRYING to get pregnant, using a condom is GENERALLY counter productive. Moron.

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  11. By the way I never responded to her, I texted my husband and said if he didn't get his butt back to her house and pick me up right NOW I WOULD smack her. I just completely turned away from her and ignored her.

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  12. Whoever Amy is her comment just cracks me up!! Its very true that you HAVE TO DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!!!

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Thanks for your comments, If I do not respond to you, feel free to yell at me! I really love you all~!