Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Parenting IS NOT Hard....#&!(^!*&!

Before you get all up in arms at me...
Let's remember...
I am NOT crazy...
And would NEVER EVER believe this statement...
This weekend I got my weekly email from BlogHer and I usually just skim it quick and delete...
Well this was one that I could not just delete...
There was an article titled "Parenting Isn't Hard!"
I had to read this article asap...I was curious who in the hell was off their rocker 
thinking this stuff was easy!?
{my first thought was it was someone without kids haha}

You can read the post here...
ALSO....
This is her own description of herself: 
"I'm a homesteading, polyamorous, atheist, tattooed, hippie, burner, pink-haired ball of awesome. I live in a log house with my partner and my new baby where I'm passionate about (and write passionately about) raising happy livestock, treating children like people, and living a big fat life out loud."

{as much as some of her choices pain me I try to not hold it against her...
thankfully I read these tidbits after I read the article....}

Anyways I of course posted on twitter and facebook right away after reading this wonderful post...
The lovely Hannah also wrote a post about this little gem we found!:)

So let's cut to the chase...
IS SHE NUTS?!?!
Well YES and no....
I will start with the no since its a much smaller percentage. 
At times parenting is easy...WHEN THEY ARE SLEEPING! haha 
Therefore YES, she is nuts. 
From the second my boys wake up it is game on. 
I LOVE every single moment that I get to spend with them and would not trade it for the world.
Just because I love them with all my heart does not make it EASY! 

By the authors definition "being mean" is pretty broad it goes from spanking to punishing a child 
{and everything in between}
Well let's just chalk me up to being one of "those" MEAN mom by her standards...
You are damn right that I am going to punish my children when they do something wrong...
The punishment can be as little as taking away a treat or as big as time out and sending them to their room...
And maybe even a quick smack on the tush...
 ::judging eyes::
If that makes me a BAD MOM then so be it....
Children are NOT our equals and the analogy she uses is ridiculous...
To compare a child to a grown adult is just not even right...
Of course adults KNOW better to spill their drinks, I do it from time to time 
and think "Come on, Allie are you serious!?"
when it happens...its frustrating...
But Vincent could knock a drink over and not think anything of it....
He is still learning right from wrong
{ps last time I check they do not come out of the womb with adult knowledge}
Do I scream at him or drag him out of the place?
NO, I explain and tell him that he made a mistake and 
teach him how we can avoid that mistake in the future...

If I just sat back and DID NOTHING when he did something like this...
I would NOT be a good parent...
I would NOT be teaching him what is right from wrong...
He would just go on assuming that he could knock whatever he wanted off the table
with NO repercussions! 
And then we would have world full of kids thinking they ran everything....
OH WAIT that is where we are pretty much at...
{I could rant all day on this topic}

There are BOUNDARIES...
and when they are crossed it is our job as a parent to step up and teach our children...
{abuse is NEVER okay....EVER}
Discipline and punishment is okay and MY JOB!
If we do not teach them now they are never going to learn.
We are responsible for them and their actions until they are old enough to make their decisions alone...

I am getting off track...
But I guess what I am saying is that her definition of parenting is that it must be "easy"...
It would be easy for me to ignore when Vincent sometimes pushes Luke...
It would be easy for me to ignore when he tells me "NO!"
It would be easy for me to ignore all those little bad moments....
But the moment I became a parent it was NOT easy...
EVERY SINGLE DECISION I MADE...
effects them...
If I do not teach them right from wrong they will NEVER LEARN...
If I do not teach them how to work hard...they will not want to push themselves...
If I do not teach them manners they will never know them...
If I do not act like their parent...they will think we are EQUALS...

So yes, I, mother of 3 will stand up and attest that PARENTING IS HARD...
Each day it is something new...
My children and family are my world...
But yes, it gets hard....
Does that make me love them any less...
NEVER EVER, EVER!
Am I perfect...not by a landslide...
Do I make mistakes....yes, all the time. 
Will my kids make mistakes...YES

So to the author of the post....
CHILL OUT...
Do not jump to judge every parent...
Just because I raise my voice does not make me abusive or a bad parent...
Pinned Image
So after reading this I think I just need to say....
Let's give other moms the benefit of the doubt...
When I see a kid having a break down and a stressed mom...
I usually say "Hey, I have been there" or just smile to let her know that what is going on is NORMAL...
Kids are NOT perfect...and either are parents...
Some days we will all be OFF and THAT IS OKAY....

If the author was trying to make a post about abuse not being okay I think she really blurred the lines...
Categorizing abuse and discipline how she did, did not work in my eyes...
I said it once and will end with saying ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY...
But parenting your child is, and is our job....

XOXOX

12 comments:

  1. I read that article and thought about it for a while. I agree with you that the author did blur the lines. I sometimes think back to how I've spoken to Abby and know I should have handled it better but parenting is hard and frustrating at times. Sometimes we are caught in the moment and not thinking clearly. Part of being a person is making mistakes and this author acts as though once we become parents we suddenly must be perfect!

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  2. i completely agree that parenting is hard. but i kinda liked the analogy of the adult spilling the drink; now grant it not every parent is going to do that; like you said you would tell him how to do it different & that he made a mistake; but unfourntley like 75% of the time i see that situation out in public & am mortified at the way the child is treated. is it abuse? NO if the kid did it on purpose i could see being a bit more frustrated. but if the child does it on accident which honestly i do once a week since im redonk, accidents happen ya kno? all in all i agree with you ten fold. just thought i would say i "kinda" get what she ment about the analogy. kinda. but her whole "parenting isnt hard" is redonk, she is batty & probaly off her rocker ;)

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  3. Amazing post Allie!! I agree with you. We parent the same lol!!

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  4. Uh YEA talk about blurred lines!! Not only did she blur the line between discipline and abuse, she also makes it seem like there is only one aspect to parenting and that is: how we react when our child does something wrong. Discipline is just ONE aspect of parenting as a whole ... which any sane person would agree that YES parenting is hard. It seems like her point, when you boil it down was this: I love my kid so much, that it's easy for me to not abuse him.
    But maybe that should have been her title instead because "Parenting is Easy" is not an appropriate title for this article, considering what she ACTUALLY wrote about. She gave her thoughts on discipline I guess, but where's the reflection on sleep deprivation, time management, feeding your child healthy foods, education, bathtime and snuggles, choosing the right doctor, etc?? There's A LOT more to parenting then simply not smacking your kid across the face.

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  5. Yeah, her post rubbed me the wrong way! I felt insulted! She had no real back up on her statement. Just because we discipline our children and raise our voices doesn't mean we're abusing them but I guess she lives in lala land at the moment. I commented on Hannah's post that I'd like to see her view on "parenting isn't hard" when her child gets older. Let's see how she reacts when her child becomes a raging toddler and decides to test her patience.

    Awesome post, Allie!

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  6. I dont need to read her post. I can say she is wrong just based on the hour Cael cried in my arms last night. Dont tell me that is not hard. She doesnt just live in lala land she lives in ignoring-your-child's-needs-land.

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  8. Parenting is hard, I can attest to that as a mother of four children and a grandmother raising her two step granddaughters, because their parents were too lazy and caught up in themselves to raise their own. I raised four wonderful children, who are all college educated with graduate degrees, two with professional degrees. Yes, I yelled at them, yes, they were spanked, had boundaries and discipline and, gee, golly, they turned out awesome. My son, Jordan, is married to Allie, and my daughter, Jennifer, is married to Torin and they are raising their children exactly as I raised my four children, 6 years a a single mom. I am so proud of my children and the only thing that I would change in raising my children would tell that I loved them more. Allie, you are doing an awesome job with my grandsons, and I like the fact that I can actually be a grandma to them, spoiling them just a little :)

    Love to you, Jordan, Vincent, Luke and soon to be baby, Jude. xoxoxoxox

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  9. psh, parenting is hard, if its not, you aren't doing it right. Lets see how her method of not disciplining her child works out for her in the long run.

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  10. Amen sister! Parenting is rough! You spend all your time with these kiddos while they're constantly testing you, of course you have to discipline! She's a nutter butter.

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  11. I think it is important for us to stand up and support each other as mothers, but I think it's okay to agree to disagree as well. Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. That whole saying about having children is like wearing your heart outside of your body? TRUTH. With motherhood comes an overwhelming sense of love, responsibility, sleep deprivation, constant worry over whether or not you're doing things right and the what if's...none of that fits under the "easy" category. Refraining from abuse? Okay, yes, that part is easy. When you love someone you don't abuse them, end of discussion. But I think the problem with this woman's article is that she defines punishment SHE doesn't approve of as "abuse" and that's not fair.

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  12. Even if I agree with some of the things you said I was immediately turned off by you posting her "about me" & calling her nuts. That sounds like judgement to me, which is exactly what you're speaking against here, isn't it?

    I think the point of her post was missed. I agree with what Tara said above, and I wish that maybe the original poster would have gone into how she would have reacted to the drink spilling incident. I feel like the original post was a bit vague and I'm guessing that's why it has caused such an uproar. There is a difference between discipline and the situation that she explained at McDonalds. (The man leaps to his feet and yells, “Oh my god! I told you to be careful with that!” He grabs her by the arm and drags her out of the booth. “That’s the last time you get to have a medium drink!” He shoves her off to the side while he starts to clean up. “Go stand by the door, we’re going home right now!” -- This is not discipline, it's disrespect & humiliation towards a child who accidentally spilled something)

    The way you explained how you would have handled the situation was awesome, and you're right! We need to explain things to our children, to teach them boundaries and how to be more cautious (etc). She never said "if you discipline, you're mean" she said if someone screams, grabs a kid by their arm, humiliates them in front of strangers at a restaurant & exclaims "Parenting is hard" that it's simply a cop out, it's an excuse that some people use to treat their children like crap. I don't think that you treat your children like crap, I think (by seeing your blog) that you're a great parent :) but I sincerely think the point of the "Parenting isn't Hard" post was missed, and I was taken back by how you posted her about me, it seemed a little rude.

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Thanks for your comments, If I do not respond to you, feel free to yell at me! I really love you all~!