I get comments weekly about how I make being a mom look easy, or how I am a perfect mom.
It is kind of awkward for me, because I do not think of myself or my family as perfect.
Because truth be told, being a mom and wife is tough. Is a neverending job. It began the minute I became pregnant with Vincent 4 years ago. Back when I never understood life as anything other than my own. My life in the past 4 years has turned into 4 additional lives on top of me. My wonderful husband, and my 3 boys. Containing all of those lives within my own is insane. The constant worry about everyone. The what-ifs, the second guessing every little thing. The heart wreching feeling of having your heart outside your body. But that is what happens when you become a wife and mother. It is no longer about you.
Everyday is something new. Whether it be Luke deciding he wants to ride Jude like a horse, or Vincent thinking he can pick Jude up! The boys only wanting to eat suckers or popsicles. Luke demanding juice and having a nervous break down when God forbid I only give him water! (It's funny because I water down their juice so much I am not sure how he notices the difference...those little stinkers are smart!) It is a never ending battle. It is always something new. But on the flip side of all the hectic parts there are amazing moments that I choose to focus on.I focus all of my energy on the happy things, that is seriously how I make it through the days.
They are always learning or doing something new. They may fight in the toyroom and annoy me but there are times where they love on eachother. Jordan told me that the other day when they were walking in the stream that Vincent was helping Luke on every step of the way. Jordan yelled back to find Vincent and he said "Daddy I am helping my brother!" Insert heart full of happiness. Insert, all the bickering and me yelling at them to disappear. That right there is perfect in my eyes.
There are moments of perfectness in our lives, and I love to highlight that. But there are moments of sheer insanity that I chose to put to bed each night when my head hits the pillow. Dwelling on the madness is a waste of time and energy. I used to spend countless hours awake at night worrying about things but I have pushed that all aside. After Luke it was a battle. It was far from perfect. I battled a huge scary case of anxiety and I was nervous that it would come again after Jude. But I stood up and changed things. I looked for the perfectness that surrounded me in my children and in my husband. Not everyday is exactly perfect, but if you look deep into it you will find moments. Moments of perfectness that will make all the bad disappear. I promise you, it is there.
If you have made comments to me having a perfect family or looking up to me as a mother, thank you. Seriously. I want you to know that each and every one of you reading this are perfect. Whether you are a mom, a wife, a daughter or a friend you have perfectness in you. It may not feel that way all the time but trust me it is there. Every single day there is something beautiful happening and you just have to slow down and look for it.