Fake Skinny....

A few weeks back Jordan and I were at the gym in front of the mirrors working out and I was taking a good look at my body, you know you all do it haha! I thought to myself, damn I look pretty darn good after 3 kids and I look really healthy....FROM THE OUTSIDE....

I joked to Jordan that people in the gym probably think just by looking at me that I do indeed work out and am a genuinely healthy person but the insides of me are screaming a different story.
This is the first time in my life that I have been happy seeing the weight on the scale. 
I weigh less than I did cheering in college, that is huge because I beat myself up over every single weigh in during those years (yes, we had to weigh in to be light enough for the guys to lift) so it's obvious why I have a very familiar relationship with the scale. 

Well I am around 118 now, you would think man, that is amazing and yes it is and I am very happy with that number but it does not reflect the happiness that I thought I would feel when I hit that weight. My insides are screaming at me. Yelling at me for help.

I am a pretty good eater, but I do not eat near enough veggies, and I work on it but not near enough. At the start of the year I started experiencing horrid leg pains and unexplained joint problems, my father in law is a chiropractor and is chalking it up to a common pain of fibromyalgia, the other doctors wanted to throw muscle relaxers and high pain killers my way but I knew that was not the answer. NO THANKS DOC. Jordan's dad has me on a natural supplement regime to help clear my body of toxins and get healthy from the inside out.

It's funny because I can directly correlate these pains to what I am eating. I ate HORRIBLE junk crap food over the Christmas holidays (cookies, fudge, chex mix) and into the New Year and that is EXACTLY when the pains started. I was not sleeping well, I was feeding my body empty energy-less junk and my body is fighting back screaming at me to stop. The supplements are helping, they really are, but last weekend I semi-fell off the healthier eating band wagon with Jude's birthday party. I had chick-fil-a nuggets galore, chips and dip and coldstone cake out the wazoo and GUESS WHAT....Monday I woke up feeling like death, actually this entire past week has been horrible. I have been having the worlds worst abdominal and lower back pain and I have a pretty darn good feeling it is coming from the inside. My digestive tract is irate and I know it.

I keep watching all these food documentaries and I know darn well what I need to be eating. I'm not stupid. I know I should eat cleaner. We all know what we should eat, but our emotions pull us to eat the yummy junk. ((you would think the food companies target our weaknesses, oh wait they do)) And the problem is not what I eat for dinner or breakfast it's the stuff in between. We always eat very clean structured meals with veggies and meat. Plain and simple. But in between I will grab a piece of chocolate here or there, or grab a frappe bc my body is urging for it, a handful of popcorn here or there, a few bites of the boys mac & cheese, you know just the random snacking.

That is what is slowly killing me. The crap snacking. It's funny we eat "healthy" organic snacks but that does not matter, a cheddar bunny cracker snack is a carby snack and it's not good. Now that I am at the weight I want I need to clean up my act, I need to eat clean and treat my body how it needs to be treated. I want to feel as good on the inside as I feel I look in the mirror. I love my weight number, but I do not love the way I feel, I do not want to feel pain, I do not want to have trouble sleeping, I want to function like a healthy person should.

I think a lot of people loose sight of what truly healthy is. Our bodies are so accustomed to crap food and eating that we learn a new normal. A survival mode setting. It's funny because although last week I felt great with my supplements and cleaner eating, I knocked myself right back down by eating junk at Jude's party. It has got to stop. I do not want to be the fake skinny. I want to be a healthy me. I don't care if the scale goes up, I just want my insides to feel good. It's funny because you think once you get to that weight all will be well, obviously for me that is not the case.

Here's to treading on. Clearing out the crap even more than I already have. Here's to my insides feeling and functioning the way they should. Here's to my health.

Anyone else in the same boat?? Jump on board with me and let's kick the crap!
I am going to start posting more about the journey through this new lifestyle change.
I refuse to call it a diet, diets are not real, they do not last...
Who wants to change their life with me?



  1. I am working on it! The number is far from where I want it to be, but slowly moving in the right direction. I am struggling this time around to lose weight eating real food, instead of all the low fat/fatfree/chemical crap. I am basically my own enemy in us trying to start a family, so I have got to make better and better choices!

    Do your kids eat the same way you do? I only ask because of the mac n cheese comment. I have always wondered how open kids are to clean eating if you start them off from the beginning (and I know every kid is different). Are yours on board?

    1. I emailed Stacy separately but I wanted to answer on here in case anyone else wondered. The boys eat 75% clean, meaning that at dinner they eat exactly what we eat, meat and veggies, but during the week I allow cereal, waffles and mac and cheese since it's easy to make quickly for them, but for snacks they do fruits and veggies. Our kids love the food we eat because they know no different. Of course they love cookies and cake just like any other kid but we save that for rewards and birthdays, normal days are pretty clean for them and they are happy to eat healthy.

  2. I'm with ya! I'm "fake" skinny too. I do the same thing as you... Eat the boys Mac & cheese, a handful of chips, not enough veggies.. I like to blame it on the lack of time I have because it is an effort to eat more clean. I mean you have to blame it on something right?! It's funny you just posted this, my husband and I were having this exact same conversation last night while at the ice cream shop :/ :)

  3. It kinda of freaks me out how easily our bodies adjust to eating all that crap. Over the past year, my family has been cutting out all the junky processed foods, extra sugars, and snacking on loads of fruit and veggies during the day. When we do "treat" our selves with junky chips or the drive-thru, we all feel like garbage for the next couple days. Scary stuff! Once you start eating healthier, you notice the how the garbage impacts you even more. What on earth was it doing to me all those years in high school and university when thats all I ate?
    Good for you for making the healthy choices! And for showing your boys too!

    I love the title of this, "fake skinny", I have been thin my whole life so people think I am healthy...so not the case! I know I get loads of comments from family about my working out and eating healthy "you are thin, why do you need to watch what you eat and exercise" Maybe I would like to be healthy too! And what you put in to your body totally changes how you feel. I sleep better, and am much happier and easier going when I eat healthy.
    Great post!

  4. I can really relate to this! I'm skinny due to my genes....but for the last year I feel like I've been in a near-constant state of being slightly sick, and when I gave up everything containing processed sugar and all meat for three weeks in January, I felt so much better! I also felt really tired because I think it was simply challenging for me to get as many calories as I needed with that diet, but I'm really considering going back to something like that, or at least a much more whole-food type of diet. I don't think snacks themselves are bad. Popcorn from my air-popper is my favorite snack--so there's no oils, salt, or preservatives. Making some of the more delicious fruits and veggies like peaches or nectarines into snacks could satisfy your cravings in a healthy way!

  5. I kicked it in January because I lost a CRAZY amount of weight by basically a mixture of not eating at all, and eating really shitty food when I did eat. I was down to about 105lbs and had ZERO muscle tone left. I had headaches, my sleep wasn't satisfying, I was in a bad mood. My skin and hair were suffering, ect. We re-joined our gyms (we used to be gym rats) and started working out 5-6 days a week. I swear my body was so starved for good food that when I started eating healthier and cleaner I craved nothing but fresh fruit and veg for weeks.
    I'm now 113, and in probably the best shape of my life! Keep it up lady, it feels AMAZING.

  6. Love this post! I'm not trying to lose weight, but I've had all kinds of health problems over the years. I'm finally back to exercising now that I've worked it into my son's nap (CrossFit) and as far as diet am doing much better after finding out I'm gluten intolerant, but I still sometimes buy the "crap" GF foods. Tortilla chips, pretzels, etc. I'm a salty cravings kind of girl. :) Except jelly beans. I love those. :)

    Like you, my hubby & I eat super healthy meals - nearly all Paleo, though sometimes we have dairy/cheese. It's the snacks that kill me!

    My 11mo son has only known Paleo foods - I never gave him rice cereal, I made his formula from scratch using raw milk, and I cook all his food. He's honestly loved everything - from avocado to beef liver! But now that he's getting older, I know I need to get everything out of the house that I don't want to give him. I can't imagine sitting there eating pretzels and refusing him them.

    I have no idea what will happen when he gets older - the temptations will be less to some degree because I'm planning to homeschool, but birthday parties... family that doesn't eat like we do... we'll have to see, I guess!

    Look forward to reading your future posts on this topic! Kick the crap! I like it! :)

  7. Great post, Allie! Since my wedding is 7 weeks away (ahhhh!) I've been trying to eat better and work out more. People look at me like I'm crazy because I appear "thin", when I know the truth...my body needs better food and more activity!

  8. I'm in a similar boat, I've been having a lot of stomach issues lately and I'm even going this week to have a test done on my gall bladder. But my doc also suspects IBS and a lot of it I know is due to stress and my diet. I have gotten better about not eating out as much but I know I still have along way to go. I tell my husband all the time I'm "skinny fat". Most people would say I'm skinny but I'm really out of shape and eat crap food.

  9. Amen Allie!! There's so much to be said for clean eating, not just being "thin". As you have experienced the pain from toxins. The 80/20 rule gives enough room to splurge & still feel ok, with the rest of the time being a tad more strict.

    Well all do the best we can, right?