A few weeks back Jordan and I were at the gym in front of the mirrors working out and I was taking a good look at my body, you know you all do it haha! I thought to myself, damn I look pretty darn good after 3 kids and I look really healthy....FROM THE OUTSIDE....
I joked to Jordan that people in the gym probably think just by looking at me that I do indeed work out and am a genuinely healthy person but the insides of me are screaming a different story.
This is the first time in my life that I have been happy seeing the weight on the scale.
I weigh less than I did cheering in college, that is huge because I beat myself up over every single weigh in during those years (yes, we had to weigh in to be light enough for the guys to lift) so it's obvious why I have a very familiar relationship with the scale.
Well I am around 118 now, you would think man, that is amazing and yes it is and I am very happy with that number but it does not reflect the happiness that I thought I would feel when I hit that weight. My insides are screaming at me. Yelling at me for help.
I am a pretty good eater, but I do not eat near enough veggies, and I work on it but not near enough. At the start of the year I started experiencing horrid leg pains and unexplained joint problems, my father in law is a chiropractor and is chalking it up to a common pain of fibromyalgia, the other doctors wanted to throw muscle relaxers and high pain killers my way but I knew that was not the answer. NO THANKS DOC. Jordan's dad has me on a natural supplement regime to help clear my body of toxins and get healthy from the inside out.
It's funny because I can directly correlate these pains to what I am eating. I ate HORRIBLE junk crap food over the Christmas holidays (cookies, fudge, chex mix) and into the New Year and that is EXACTLY when the pains started. I was not sleeping well, I was feeding my body empty energy-less junk and my body is fighting back screaming at me to stop. The supplements are helping, they really are, but last weekend I semi-fell off the healthier eating band wagon with Jude's birthday party. I had chick-fil-a nuggets galore, chips and dip and coldstone cake out the wazoo and GUESS WHAT....Monday I woke up feeling like death, actually this entire past week has been horrible. I have been having the worlds worst abdominal and lower back pain and I have a pretty darn good feeling it is coming from the inside. My digestive tract is irate and I know it.
I keep watching all these food documentaries and I know darn well what I need to be eating. I'm not stupid. I know I should eat cleaner. We all know what we should eat, but our emotions pull us to eat the yummy junk. ((you would think the food companies target our weaknesses, oh wait they do)) And the problem is not what I eat for dinner or breakfast it's the stuff in between. We always eat very clean structured meals with veggies and meat. Plain and simple. But in between I will grab a piece of chocolate here or there, or grab a frappe bc my body is urging for it, a handful of popcorn here or there, a few bites of the boys mac & cheese, you know just the random snacking.
That is what is slowly killing me. The crap snacking. It's funny we eat "healthy" organic snacks but that does not matter, a cheddar bunny cracker snack is a carby snack and it's not good. Now that I am at the weight I want I need to clean up my act, I need to eat clean and treat my body how it needs to be treated. I want to feel as good on the inside as I feel I look in the mirror. I love my weight number, but I do not love the way I feel, I do not want to feel pain, I do not want to have trouble sleeping, I want to function like a healthy person should.
I think a lot of people loose sight of what truly healthy is. Our bodies are so accustomed to crap food and eating that we learn a new normal. A survival mode setting. It's funny because although last week I felt great with my supplements and cleaner eating, I knocked myself right back down by eating junk at Jude's party. It has got to stop. I do not want to be the fake skinny. I want to be a healthy me. I don't care if the scale goes up, I just want my insides to feel good. It's funny because you think once you get to that weight all will be well, obviously for me that is not the case.
Here's to treading on. Clearing out the crap even more than I already have. Here's to my insides feeling and functioning the way they should. Here's to my health.
Anyone else in the same boat?? Jump on board with me and let's kick the crap!
I am going to start posting more about the journey through this new lifestyle change.
I refuse to call it a diet, diets are not real, they do not last...
Who wants to change their life with me?