I can't do it all....

That is a huge thing to actually say.
It's a very honest and raw statement because obviously we all like to think we can do it all.
I can't. I just can't.
Sometimes I wish I could but it's just not me. 
The past year 2 of my friends and I started doing a morning segment on the news. 
It was fun, but then it turned into more than that, us helping a lot with a charity movement which is beyond amazing and so cool, but when you add that onto the whole stay at home mom and running a photography business it just started to pile up.
The problem is that if I am going to do something, I want to give it all. 
Every single ounce of my being needs to be all on board to what I am doing.
If not, then truly what's the point?! 
I want to do things that correlate and make my life as a stay at home mother better.
Well I was noticing a bad side of me coming out.
(a bitchy rude side)

A mom who had little or no patience with my children which is not okay.
In the week before our first big charity event I cannot tell you how many times I hushed my kids, or walked away from an activity to check my email or check this or that. Fully tossing my stay at home mom responsibility to the side. Tossing my most important job and the people I love most to the side. I noticed my patience thinning every single day. I noticed a person I did not want to be.
It was dwelling on for the next few weeks after our first big event and was just bothering me.
The morning show was once a week at 5:30am but it would throw off my whole schedule. 
I would be tired and cranky and just not myself. (I need sleep or else it's not good)
You may think the whole once a week 5 am thing is a breeze but throw that in with 3 kids, my own photography business and a husband who travels and it gets hectic quick. 

Well once I found out we were pregnant I knew something had to go. I needed to focus on myself and this new baby inside me and most importantly on being a mom.
I quit the morning segment and in that kind of took a step back from the charity.
(Insert sigh of relief, then insert panic)
In the midst of that Jordan sat down with me and had a talk about my patience level.
The fact that in the past few months there had been little or no patience between me and the kids.
The fact that my whole dream of homeschooling might not be a reality with the news of another baby added to the mix.
Initially I was crushed. I was hurt and I was caught off guard.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream, I wanted to push back and yell that I could do it and how dare he even question me, hello I am a mom? I can do it all, right???

I didn't do any of those. I just thought about it. Weighed all the options. Took a good hard look at myself, which isn't always easy to do. 
But Jordan was right, I was losing my patience, I was getting upset over the littlest stuff.
I was letting the outside world effect my relationship with my kids.
I was letting silly stuff get in the way of me being a mom.
I might not be the best capable person in the midst of being pregnant and having another baby to be able to fully focus on the boys, the house, my husband and homeschooling.

That is when I fully accepted the fact that I cannot do it all. 
I would be a complete idiot to pretend that I could. 
I would be not only hurting myself but hurting the ones I love if I tried to pretend that I could do it all.
The whole homeschooling post will come in the future with our choice to try out our local catholic preschool for the boys next year, but just being fully aware of who I am and what I want is so refreshing. 
I know I am a good mom. I know I am a good wife but dangit I cannot do it all.
As much as I want to be the super mom who can be on the board of a charity and make the world a better place, I just can't. Not at this time in my life. I need my freaking sleep, I need my sanity, I need my family. I need to immerse myself fully in these boys and soak in every sweet memory I can,
Not to say that I will not rock the crap out of this stuff in the future, I might, but right now there is no way in God's green earth that I can add one more thing to my life without it effecting my family.
The way I am paying forward is by giving these boys the best childhood I possibly can, by trying to shut out unneeded things and focus on what matters, my boys.
I am fully happy to confess I cannot and will not do it all. 

11 comments:

  1. love this post! You are amazing Allie! :)

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  2. Ditto this post! And yes, you are amazing, seriously:) Hang in there, you are an amazing mom and DON"T do it all!!!

    Julie
    www.thechirpingmoms.com

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  3. Love the honesty and don't be so hard on yourself...sounds like you made an awesome decision for you and your family! They will thank you for that someday!!!!!

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  4. AMEN! All moms feel like that. SAHM and moms who woke outside of the home (like me). And it's okay. I give you major props for putting it in writing. I do my best to do the same because there are many moms out there who feel inadequate because other women seem like they can do it all. But no one can. We are humans. Praying for your bundle of joy. And always know that you're a great mom!

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  5. thank you for sharing this! while it's tough, it is so necessary that we admit to ourselves we are only human. so proud of you for making the right decisions for your family.

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  6. YES! So many people say "family first" without backing it up and it's just great to take notice and make yourself accountable. I love it. Thanks so so much for sharing!

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  7. We are sending our son to our local private catholic school. He went to preschool there and learned so much about God, the staff is so nice and loving, they are like family, this is something you don't get in a public school. I wanted to homeschool our boys but my husband im crazy and, so the private school is a happy medium for us. It is a very small school and more one on one, i love that, and best of all they are taught about GOD, it is worth the drive everyday 2 times a day. We are happpy with our choice, i hope you will be too!
    Kristen

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  8. As your mother I first want to say how proud I am of you and your choices of what is important in your life and the lives of Jordan and the boys. I know it broke your heart to realize home schooling the boys was not a positive option at this time. Especially when you and Jordan have chosen such a wonderful school for them. Life is too short and believe me when I say NO ONE can do it all! If they say they can they are lying to themselves. So be the best wife and mother you can be and let the rest slide...you cannot please everyone so don't even try. And remember what a truly loving, good person you are! And I should know as I was blessed with giving birth to you and having you as my lovely daughter.
    Mom

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  9. Thank you so much for sharing! I think we (women) all feel that way at times. And we feel like we don't have the right to say no to more stuff. Its something I really struggle with as a working mom. I will say that my daycare is awesome and my kids both thrived there and made great friends and had awesome experiences. We still have plenty of quality time and time for special things. New babies need a special focus and you need to be able to recover. Congrats on the new baby!

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  10. yes! when i went back to work our family life kind of came to a stall. i wasn't cooking healthy, i wasn't spending enough individual time with the kids and laundry was stacking up. it felt good to contribute financially but it was costing us in little ways every day

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  11. As your mother-in-law, you are a wonderful wife to my son, Jordan, and a wonderful mother to my three grandsons and my soon to be grandchild. I agree, you cannot possibly do it all, no one can. I remember feeling the same way you did, feeling like I had to do it all, at you reach a point where you cannot do it all, and it is cathartic to reach that decision. I will help you put the house together, so it is all done when the new baby comes, you will have curtains on every window of the house :). Love to you all.

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