Cleaning: The Evolution of me not caring.

Last week Jordan was out of town for sales meetings all week.
I planned ahead and had my mom come visit so I could have a little relief to make it through the week, sane and whole! haha! We had Luke's birthday planned for Saturday and Jordan was not due to arrive until 2am Saturday meaning he would be exhausted as all get out so I needed to have everything done.

Well my mom and I are different, she thinks everything needs to be done early, way ahead of time, well I on the other hand know exactly what I can and should get done and when before a party. I have my party planning days down to an art (finally)! The week before I get all the weird odds and ends done craft wise, making banners, wrapping plastic silverware, pretty much all the small details I knock out a week before. The week off I slowly get things done around the house that I put off, those fun things like scrubbing the tile grout because I forgot to seal it the last time I cleaned it. 2 days before the party I grocery shop and also make any treats that I can ahead of time for party food. Well anyways, I am smart enough to know that you cannot really CLEAN until the day before because 3 little men will destroy it all and truthfully what's the point of cleaning early just to follow your kids like a hawk to make sure they don't make a mess? No thanks, I want to have fun with my kids, not watch for them to make a mistake and misplace something or get fingerprints on something.

On Thursday my mom walked into the kitchen and asked what my plan for the day was since the party was in 2 days. To me it felt like the way she said it was more of a "Ummm Allie, get your ass in gear" so I got annoyed. I told her that I knew what needed to be done and had my plan ready. I've thrown enough parties to know. She then in turn got annoyed with me, shocker right? Moms and daughters getting annoyed with each other?

She looks at me and says "Well have you seen your back door?" 
I smartly say "Oh the one I walk in and out of daily, the one with dog nose prints and dirt from our genius dog clawing at the door??? That one??"
She, of course says "Yes, it's a mess"
Pregnant, tired, annoyed me rolls my eyes and says "Umm okay, you are concerned about the BACK DOOR? Is this a joke!?"
Her reasoning of course "Well you have guests coming over and it's not okay for the door to look that way" 
I am beyond annoyed and say "Well guess what? If my guests, who are all friends and family have a problem with there being dirt on my back door maybe they should clean it themselves. Actually if a friend comes over and has a problem with the cleanliness of the OUTSIDE of a door, maybe they shouldn't be my friend? Who even notices the outside of someones back door? I have 3 kids and a dog and am pregnant, really mom!??!"
She then rebuttals with some smart comment in return about how her door would never look like that, again we just eye roll back and forth....
The conversation ends with "Well if it bothers you THAT much, clean it because I could care less, this house is a HOME, we LIVE in it, it is NOT a show home"
Anyways, we stop talking for awhile and cool off, meanwhile I take a freaking magic eraser and clean the door, I make sure to make it shiny white just for my mom! Now when I look at the door I just laugh! If you are anything like me and my mom we can have these arguments and then just move on. I am totally a person who gets over things in .5 seconds, so this was just one of those moments.

But then it brought me to the full and utter conclusion that I just don't care.

When we had Vincent I remember being anal about everything. About the house being clean, about every dish being put away, about nothing being left on the counter, about everything. I would let myself get so WORKED up if something was not perfectly put away. It was actually annoying how annoyed I would get. It was a vicious bitchy cycle. I look back at that and LAUGH! 

Over the years I have loosened up and realized. IT. DOES. NOT. MATTER.

I try to keep our house pretty darn clean, but sometimes life gets in the way and the first thing to get pushed away is cleaning or organizing. Hence why I have 2 junk drawers (okay maybe 3) in the kitchen, but guess what, I know exactly what's in those drawers! Keeping the kids and Jordan happy and healthy are my number one concern, not making sure my floors are sparkly clean. Plus having a dog and 3 tiny messy monsters around the house just ruin it all. You would probably never believe me if I said I sweep daily because of dog hair! I do and it's still messy. 
Every once in awhile I will clean the toyroom like a crazy person and EVERY single time I just get annoyed. I will separate everything anally into their perfect bins and nothing will be out of place. i put every tiny piece back where it goes and then guess what, the kids come in and PLAY, because it is indeed a play room. I will then come in and find, God forbid, a train in the block box, umm hello, this is NOT where it goes. I will grow annoyed even when the boys have picked up because things aren't where they go. Jordan even points out how anal I get and says I need to chill because it does NOT matter. It is a toy room, just let it go.

So here I am, a mom to 3 kids, another babe on the way, a dog who sheds and brings his muddy paws all over the floors and a husband. My house is far from perfect, and I am fine with that. One of the reasons I fell in love with this house is because it has flaws, just like we all do. The house represents us, it is quirky, charming and a bit worn. You can clean her up and dress her down and she is still a house. It is our house, it's a family house not a show home. As long as we are happy and smiling when our heads hit the pillow I have done my job. The boys will never remember how clean my bathroom tile was, but they will remember how much I played with them or how we would cook together and make a huge mess of the kitchen and end with yummy warm cookies in our belly.
So moms, don't beat yourselves up over your house. Rate your happiness on your kids faces and smiles, they are only young ONCE. When my boys are in school I know I will have silence and time to clean alone and MAYBE have a clean house but for now I am savoring the fact that they are here and they are allowed to live in our house, as kids, not as tiny anal cleaning robots. 

I want a happy home, and maybe just maybe we one day we will have a perfectly clean AND happy home but for now I am perfectly content with just a happy home, and if you come over and don't like it, pick up a sweeper and start cleaning!
PS that backdoor, already has Verner nose marks and dirt again. Shocker. 



  1. Great post Allie!!! I feel you on this. So much!

  2. Good post girl! I think you are just the cutest family ever- you're doing good, momma!! ;)

  3. I'm hoping I can get to this point. I tell myself I will, but until then I have my meds :) xo

  4. Oh my gosh, that sounds just like my Mom & I
    Seriously, she complains about my house ALL THE TIME and like you, I JUST DON'T CARE!!!

  5. ugh toys. i thought about getting rid of at least half of them to make my life easier but my mom would just keep replacing everything lol. do your kids ever get jealous of each other or fight for your attention? mine do and i only have two so i was wondering how you do it haha

  6. Amen Sister! When we moved we downsized a bit, space-wise. Some of the kids toys are still put away under the stairs, some went in the garage sale, and I still feel like they have so much - that ends up all over the place! We just started a rule that the living room upstairs needs to get cleaned up before story time each night (we don't have a playroom, and the family room isn't quite 'set-up' yet for playing)...while they do that hubby and I get the kitchen cleaned and reset for the next morning. I've gotten so much better about not caring about a clean house all.the.time. I figure as long as we're teaching them about cleaning - and having them help at times so they KNOW WHY we do it then it's all good. :-) Oh, I'm also teaching them that LESS is MORE!!!

  7. True story: the only moms I've ever known who have spotless houses have cleaning ladies who come in and clean up after them a few times a week. The rest of us have dog and cat hair tumbleweeds in the far corners of the living room, stuffed animals "sleeping" on the sofa, and leave the dishes in the sink while we take stolen naps and snore on the sofa after the kids have gone to bed.

    You will have a clean house when your kids are grown and live on their own. Then, they will come visit on holidays and the mess they leave behind will be not unlike the aftermath of an F5 tornado.