Friday, June 13, 2014

Who am I to judge?

I won't lie. The other day, my sister in law Jamie and I were texting and she said something to the effect of how she couldn't get anything done because Nick just started crawling and was into everything. She was frustrated because they were trying to get things done around the house and he was all over the place. I got annoyed instantly. 

I did the typical eye roll and thought, seriously, she is telling me how frustrating one kid is? Is this a joke? 

I of course started thinking and justifying, if she only knew what 4 tiny terror kids are like all day long then she would retract that statement so freaking fast. Who does she think she is telling me she is STRESSED. I am all over here trying to contain 4 kids, the second I start getting a minute to myself the baby cries and needs fed, or Vincent and Luke are fighting over the same damn toy for the 10th time in a few hour span. What I would do for just one kid who crawls. 

I did this a few weeks back too. We had a clean eating group and a girl commented on why she doesn't have time to eat healthy and plan meals. I am sure she did not have the intentions to be rude but when I read it I was instantly annoyed. She stated that she did not have time because she was a stay at home mom with one child and it was just too much to do. Oh really sweetheart. Insert the annoying things that came to my mind. 

See what I did there. I turned the situation around and got annoyed with her. Why?, I guess maybe it made me feel better in my head. I don't know why we do it, justify things and other peoples situations. Comparing our lives to theirs. Comparing our kids to others. Comparing clothing and cars. When it comes down to it, it is completely stupid and a complete waste of time.

This is something that I honestly need to work on. I don't think I am the only one who jumps to judgements and gets annoyed easily. We all consider our lives to be the HARDEST most complex situations that no one else would ever understand. The thing is we are all get it!
We all UNDERSTAND life.

We just have different lives. 

To Jamie at this moment this whole new world of a child is new and crazy. He just started crawling and is getting into things. This is the most she has known as a mother so who I am to judge and roll my eyes for her being frusterated. I need to take a step back and remember that I was there. I was once in her shoes trying to trudge along and figure it all out. 

We all live and learn and look back at how "easy" life once was. I always look back and laugh at how full I thought my plate was back then. Before I had kids and even met Jordan I thought working 3 jobs was tough. But IT WAS. It was all I knew. It was crazy with having a baby. It was crazy having 2 babies and so on. You are pushed and maxed out. I get it, I get it. Even if you do not have kids you can feel that you are at your max. We need to all give eachother a freaking break. Stop the comparing about why your life is harder than someone elses. A

I feel crappy for getting annoyed with Jamie, I honestly do. And its not just Jamie, I do this all the time, the justifying, the judging. It's something I feel like we all do. Does it help us to judge eachother? Probably not.

I need to work more on supporting my friends and family instead of getting annoyed. And this also goes both ways. Don't get in a rut if you only have 1 child and you spent the entire day on the couch watching Nick Jr while your friend with 6 kids took hers all to the park alone and even stopped to get ice cream, all with smiles on their faces. Don't compare it. At the end of the day, who cares.
I know Jamie does this too with me, saying well you know it all because you have 4 kids. Honestly, I don't know it all, I seriously have no idea what I am doing half of the time. It's pretty much a free for all everyday. BUT, what I do know is what works for me. What works for my family and our lifestyle. We do things to the beat of our own drum and that is how it should be. I am not saying that we shouldn't take advice and learn from eachother, because we should. We all have a lot to offer eachother in all aspects of life but comparing and judging is just a deadly round about. It's just toxic and accomplishing NOTHING.

I seriously accomplish nothing when I roll my eyes at other peoples woes. Shame on me honestly. I honestly hope this post is making sense. I am semi nodding off here trying to drink green tea to keep me awake. Thank you to a special boy for a 430 am wake up and thank you to my mind that would not stop wandering enough to fall back asleep. Starbucks anyone?? 

So where am I going with this....I need to just knock it off. I need to be there for my friends and family and listen instead of comparing. I need to comfort them when they are stressed instead of just justifying. I need to love everyone and their unique lives. We all different, we stress over different things. And that is fine. 

Keep an open mind as much as you can. Love each other and be there for one another. Life is not much fun when you are alone in the journey so embrace it all. Be there for your friends and family when they are stressed even if it seems small in your eyes. Remember that you once were in their shoes and needed guidance and love. Let them be comfortable enough to let you hear their stresses and dilemmas. And while I am sure I responded back to Jamie with a generic "tell me about it!" laced with an eye roll, I am sorry. I am sorry honestly to anyone who I do this to. I vow to keep trying to understand your lives and take genuine interest in them. 

This is me working on myself and embracing my family and friends with an open non judging heart, no matter how hard that may be at times. Who is with me? Who wants to try to stop the judgement and justifying!!? 

1 comment:

  1. I agree so much with you! I am guilty of doing the same thing and need to stop.

    ReplyDelete

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