October 15th

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. I honestly do not think about miscarriage as much anymore since we have been insanely blessed. It does come up in passing from time to time when someone else is going through their miscarriage or infant loss situation. I know when people think of me they automatically think; 4 healthy baby boys. 4 healthy pregnancies. But in reality it went 2 healthy pregnancies and baby boys. One miscarriage. 2 healthy pregnancies and baby boys. 
We were on vacation a few years ago in FL with Vincent and Luke and I found out that we were once again pregnant! I was so excited. WOULD IT FINALLY BE A GIRL, I thought to myself. On the LONG drive home we talked about how exciting it would be to welcome baby #3 to the family! We arrived home and all was well for a few weeks and then one afternoon I went to the bathroom and wiped and saw the tiniest bit of blood. I am talking MAYBE a drop! AND I FREAKED! I have always had no blood during pregnancies so I of course bee-lined to the ER to get checked. I had not had my first OB appt because I was only 6-7 weeks along. Long story short I called my sister in law to come along since Jordan was out of town. Lucky for her she had NO IDEA I was even pregnant, (that actually makes me tear up writing that!). I was there a few hours getting checked and having an U/S. The ultrasound showed a baby but the heart was slower than it should be. I left with a 50/50 shot that the little bean would survive. The next day I was at a playdate and felt a gush so I ran to the bathroom and BLOOD everywhere. I was faced with the fact that this was most likely the end and the babies heartbeat must have stopped between when I was at the ER and now. I was in full blown miscarriage mode. The next few weeks were insanely hard. I did not understand why or how we were going through this. Now that I am on the flipside I can easily talk about it. But man it was a rough time. VERY VERY rough. I feel like the minute you find out you are pregnant, you are already in love. I envisioned everything about the baby and was full blown in love with him or her. Than in an instant it was gone. 

Luckily weeks later, I felt not so hot so I decided to take a random pregnancy test. I had not even had my check up with the OB after the miscarriage and they had said it would take a few cycles of my period for things to get back on track! Well plain as day a PLUS sign appeared. And 8 months later Jude was welcomed into our family. I call him the miracle baby because he was formed legit seconds after the miscarriage happened. My doctors were insanely weirded out by the timeline of events but all I jnow is he is now a happy and healthy 2 year old. Following Jude we welcomed Sam. We have been INSANELY blessed so it's really hard for me to get too focused on our miscarriage. Not that I ever EVER want to go through it again but it opened my eyes and made me focus on what's important. It made me not want to take any day for granted. It helped me realize how BLESSED we are with these 4 happy and healthy babies! I will never ever know what went wrong but I do know that I will always have an attachment to our baby in heaven. One day we will meet him or her. PS I am almost 100% sure it was a girl haha! I always think that! But maybe she is up there smiling down on us and giving me the extra patience I need to handle these crazy boys!
So today I am praying for all of you who have had a loss! I pray no one has to go through this and if you are or know someone please reach out and talk to them. That was such a HUGE help for me was talking about it! You are NOT alone! Its more common than you think! Speak out and help others. You never know who is reading and who you are helping by sharing your story! I hope that my story of 2 additional pregnancies after a miscarriage will give you some hope! xoxo

The momma who started it was in my birth club when she went through her loss. I remember being so heartbroken for her. She is helping so many through this site now. 

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